Bureaucratic red tape can be frustrating. I've spent the last hour clicking around on different sites trying to figure out how to get my SNAP benefits renewed. So far I've come up with nothing. And an important thing to point out here is that you can't just call the welfare office because a) they won't pick up and b)their voicemail is always full. Go figure.
As an AmeriCorps member I'm eligible for SNAP benefits because without them I probably would be giving up food for the year. The stipend covers rent, bills and occasionally getting to work/my service site. The month or two before I got through the red tape the first time (sigh) I was living off of free potatoes and peanut butter. Not exactly a healthy lifestyle. And just so you know there IS a stigma still attached to receiving Food Stamps...the cashiers aren't the problem (in fact more times than not my EBT card strikes a commonality with them and we chat about it!)it's the people in line who automatically start to judge my purchases when I state that I'm using my Access card (EBT, ACCESS Card, Food Stamps...all the same thing basically...just government lingo...). That may be the reason I find myself sneaking to the grocery store in the late hours of the evening.
But I'm also very grateful for the assistance.
I've been in reflective mode lately. A few weeks ago I sat down with my friend Ryan and we talked about life. Where we were, where we were going, where we've been. Ya see I've been focusing on so much on the now and beyond that I've forgotten about my past. Remembering history, knowing our history is so important. My housemates and I were sitting around a campfire this past weekend reflecting on the concept of history. How it's impossible to advance without knowing where we came from and how that influenced who we are. History is both personal and shared, both private and public. The Civil War, Prohibition, and the Great Depression all affected my life as well at the birth of my siblings, the growth of my hometown and the colleges I attended. I wouldn't be where I am without those things happening first.
So back to me (this is my blog after all...ha ha): It wasn't until my discussion with Ryan that I came to realize how much I've changed the past two years. I've been so focused on surviving, on finding a path, on being happy that I've missed how much life has impacted me! I've gained confidence, I can argue with the meanest of mechanics, I can sorta fix leaky pipes, I can teach, I can worm my way into an organization, I can make a mean cup of joe, I've become bolder...and so on...
I guess the point of this is that I'm glad that I have history.
